


Loss

by AMWaaker



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-09 18:23:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13487136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMWaaker/pseuds/AMWaaker
Summary: The three communities come together in response to a medical crisis that nobody thought they would ever have a chance against after the turn.  This story is very heavy on angst and drama.  Tirggers for major health crisis, life discussion, end of life discussions.  While this is an angsty story, remember that I love Caryl and want a happy ending.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story started as an anonymous prompt on another site directly to me. The prompt was adament that it be ZA. While it is certainly more beliveable to occur non ZA, I decided to tackle the prompt as is.
> 
> Thank you to the members who reached out to me in response to medical questions. Especially greatful to LovesDarylDixon for all her research on the medical proceedures and answering my question on how this could be possible in the ZA universe. I am ever thankful for your assistance!

The light floated in to be witness to Alexandria's rebirth. Where before the cookie cutter homes were spread out a bit on lots, the new smaller more practical homes were springing up close together. With Hilltop's help, they had scavenged enough materials to rebuild all three settlements. Even though the Kingdom's population was all but decimated, the combined leadership council had opted to rebuild there as well. The three communities were now all considered “campuses” of sorts of a new free democracy. Leadership was decided by majority, although not much had changed. The residents still trusted Rick, Maggie and Ezekiel to provide the high up leadership roles. What HAD changed though was that each community had a cabinet of three people that represented their campus in a combined council of leadership. They advised the three heads of state, and in a pinch could overrule them in majority vote.

When the war was over, Carol came home to Alexandria to help rebuild. To her family. Most importantly, to Daryl. They lived together in peace in one of the smaller homes that they helped to build within the walls. They shared a bed, shared their problems, and shared their lives – simply put they were a unit. If anybody had a problem with them both being on the council, then nobody said anything, and they left it at that. The others in the communities had even taken to referring to Carol as Carol Dixon. They had shared in the pain of recovery from Negan, from the war. From the tragedy that was Mika and Lizzie. They healed.

It was all these thoughts of rebirth and rebuilding that were on Carol's mind as she walked through the streets in the early morning light. Her destination clear in her mind, her thoughts then went back to the loop of inner conversation going on in her head. How could she do this? How could she not have told him? He trusted her. He loved her. Would that be gone now that she had decided to confess? She hadn't shared everything with him. Not until just before she walked out the door. She quietly laid everything out to him, steeling berself for his reaction. When he didn't offer one, she kissed his cheek, told him she loved him, and that she would be back in an hour to talk more.

Her conflict was at the forefront of her mind when she tapped on the door to Denise's clinic. God, what was she doing? She couldn't lose him now. She wouldn't survive it, and then what would be the point in doing what she was about to do?

Denise answered the door and immediately her face went to one of compassion but not pity. She ushered Carol in and brought her into one of the side rooms so they could ensure they were alone for this discussion.

“Did you and Daryl discuss the options?”

“Um, well I told him the abbreviated version and the options we discussed. I told him what I needed to do. I told him about the four removals while I was with Ed. He didn't know before that.”

“And, how did he react?”

“He didn't. It was too much I think. I can't force him to be part of this – it's mine to deal with.”

“His too Carol. He loves you.”

“I know, and we are going to talk later about it but he needs his time I think. It's why I am here alone. I didn't give him enough time to process it. I didn't want him to have time to think it out and feel like he had to help me choose. I can't put that on him.”

“Did you tell him the risks?”

“No. He doesn't need to hear about all the ways things could go wrong.”

“What did you decide to do Carol?”

Carol fought with herself for a moment, and was about to answer when the door flew open and Daryl was rushing into the room. He was flushed, breathing hard, and scared, but he was there. He didn't say anything, just grabbed for Carol's hand and steeled himself to remain beside her for this. She looked into his face, seeing the resolve behind his eyes. He still wanted to keep her safe. He wasn't going to let her do this alone. She crumbled then, the weight of her decision breaking her walls down in front of Denise. Her emotions betrayed the grief and difficulty of her decision. She couldn't speak.

Daryl squeezed her hand and put the other arm around her. He knew this decision could ruin any self worth she has managed to build up with him. Knew she was worried about his reaction, not about herself. He knew that he had to step up and make sure Carol knew he was all in this too.

“It's option one – all the way. No fuckin' around Denise, you best get both Dr. Carson's over here by tomorrow. We've got a lot to talk about, and I am not about to go into this half assed. I don't want her to go through more shit like that last time she did this. Get it done and gone.”

Carol looked up at him and a wall of resignation slammed shut behind her eyes. It had been her decision of course, but he was backing her up on it. Is he going to hate me? Will he look at me differently, or just stop looking?”

“I already sent for them. They will be here by tonight actually. We will meet when they get here – all of us. I need to gather people here that can help. Rosita & Tara have to be filled in. They will be instumental in making this happen.”

“Do what ya gotta do. Get the shit together to do this. With both of us on the council, it won't be a problem here at Alexandria even if Michonne ain't with us, which I doubt. I know Glenn and Maggie won't be a problem either. So that leaves Jesus at the Hilltop, Jerry, Nabila and Morgan at the Kingdom that could fuck this up for us. Make them understand Denise. I want them here tonight too. This can't go wrong.”

“I will fill Tara & Rosita in first, and then have them send for the others.” She nodded a goodbye to them, and walked out to find Tara and Rosita in the main clinic area to fill them in.

Daryl stayed where he was, offering his arms for her to curl up in. He wished he could make everything better. No matter what she had chose, their lives would not be the same – he knew that. No matter what, she was going to lose something. But he couldn't lose her. They spent a few minutes there composing themselves, and then walked out into the main clinic area together.

When they walked out, it was evident by Tara's tears and Rosita's determination that they had been told. He thought he was going to have to issue threats for them to get on board. But he didn't.

“Carol . . . . . how . . . . can I . . . . can we . . . “ Tara stammered.

“Stop it now. Just get your asses in gear to get shit ready for this in case we have a fight on our hands.” Daryl barked.

“We're on it Daryl” Rosita assured, and she walked out the door.

Tara stayed for a moment. She looked up at Carol and shook away her fears to be stronger for her. She nodded and went for the door.

Denise spoke then quietly. “Carol, I need to again make sure you want this. We could only do one . . . . that is an option.”

“No – do both.” Carol said. 

Daryl squeezed her hand, looked up at her, nodded once and agreed. “Do both Denise” he agreed. “I ain't losing her now.”

Denise nodded, went to the bookshelf that Pete had begun and took down a scavenged text. 

“This is up to date to the newest technologies we had before the turn. Please understand that since we don't have those resources we have to treat this as we would any field removal. As you both know, we have done arms, legs, digits before. But this . . . . is not something anybody is prepared for. If there is an argument over resources, I will fight it. A double mastectomy during a zombie apocolypse is not something any run team can stock up for. But I will put together what we need to do the best work we can for you Carol. I promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is both vital and a filler. It gives the reader a backstory on Carol's situation and why she made her choice.

Daryl walked Carol into their small house. After locking and chaining the door to ensure they were not disrupted, he said one word.

“Talk.”

She sighed and leaned her back against the wall. She had to face this with him. She had to include him, had to let them both FEEL what they were going through now.

“The first time was just a lump – when I was breastfeeding Sophia. I thought it was just a plugged milk duct or something, but it wouldn't go away. It was tender and moved when touched. When I took Sophia to her well baby check with her doc, I had them look. Ended up with them draining it with a needle. Fluid was not cancerous, and it didn't come back.”

He took a deep breath and nodded for her to continue, knowing there was a lot more to be told.

“The second time was when Sophia was in pre-school. Another lump, but the other breast. Felt the same to me as the first one. By the time I got to the doctor for it, my whole side hurt. Again, it was just a cyst – not cancerous, but was larger and more solid. My doctor said that I needed to keep a close eye out for any changes because my family history. My mom and aunt had cancerous ones but were fine after removal.”

He just waited, knowing the discussion was going to get worse quickly.

“The third time was after Ed beat me. I was in the hospital, and had four broken ribs. I guess something didn't look right, and they did an ultrasound. They found the cyst that I had just discovered the week before and one I hadn't noticed in the other breast. They didn't bother with needles that time. They just did two lumpectomies. Ed never even knew. I had so many scars from that night I don't think he even suspected that those two were from the hospital, not him. The doctors knew of course, but didn't say anything to him when he picked me up when I was released from that latest 'trip down the stairs'. When I went to my doctor for follow up on the ribs, he told me that with my family history and the four removals, that even though none were cancerous that my odds of getting breast cancer were high. They suggested more radical treatments. One was a preventative mastectomy. He didn't mince words, that's for sure. Said it was the best way to protect myself.”

He leaned against the wall beside her and grabbed her hand. He didn't say a word, but just let her continue.

“I thought about it. I really did. If it was just me and Sophia, I think I would have. But it wasn't. I finally told Ed about what the doctor said, but I didn't tell him it had happened before.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself against the memories before continuing. “He said I was even more defective than he thought. That if I thought he was going to spend his money on doctors to get my saggy tits lopped off, I was mistaken. He said it was a ploy to get bigger tits to wave in front of other men.”

“So . . . . you didn't have any treatment?”

“Well, I was going to. Sophia and I were going to leave again. Stay gone. Go to a shelter, get myself a job with insurance, and then get it done. But then the turn happened. Surviving then was food, shelter, and kiling walkers. Not a preventative double mastectomy.”

He nodded. “But why didn't you tell me? After all we've faced, all we've been through. Why not tell me?”

“To what end Daryl? Nobody could do anything about it. It was just another worry that didn't fit into our lives of surviving.”

They stayed where the were, not saying anything more, just being together and gathering their thoughts.

Finally, he sighed and sank down the wall to sit on the floor. “So now it's back. When did you find out?”

“Two days ago. I went and saw Denise. Talked with her about everything I could remember from what the doctor said before. I don't know what I was expecting. Hope maybe? That maybe this place would be able to help me not to die?”

“You ain't gonna die. Stop with that shit.”

“That's the thing Daryl. We will never know for sure if I have cancer or not. There are no easy tests. No high tech medical equipment. It's like being back at the turn of the century before medical advances, and all we have is a doctor's intuition about a cyst. Between my doctor's advise before the turn, and what Denise could tell about the cyst and my history, she gave options. But, I don't want to keep waking up every day wondering what is going to happen. If I am going to find more lumps. I don't want to die when I am finally living. I want the risk gone.”

“Take out the risk while we can . . . “ Daryl nodded his agreement.

“We don't know what tomorrow will bring – ever. But I can decide this. Today. It's a choice I am given. I want to make this choice before I don't have a choice and things get worse.”

He wrapped his arms around her, and buried his face into her shoulder. She was right. They didn't always have choices in this life. He would make sure everybody helped make hers a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on the medical pow pow Denise planned.

Tara opened the door to the clinic to let the visitors in. Ezekiel, Nabila, Jerry, and Morgan had come from the Kingdom. Maggie, Glenn, Jesus and Bertie along with both Dr. Carsons had come from Hilltop. Rick and Michonne were with them. Tara ushered everybody in to the living room where Denise and Rosita were wating.

“Where are Carol and Daryl?” asked Maggie.

“I wanted us to meet here first before they joined us in discussions. I think it's important that we go over all the medical points, challenges, and goals before they get here. Carol has made her choice with Daryl's support, so I want to spare here as much medical argument as possible.

“Nobody told us what's going on other than Carol is sick. When is somebody going to fill us in?” asked Nabila.

“Right now” said Denise.

Denise motioned for Tara and Rosita to start taking notes of everything discussed in the room. She then began. “Carol has a pre-turn history of breast cysts. She had four removals prior to the turn. The first was just a fluid based cyst and was simply drained. The cysts upon returning were increasing in mass and were solid. She has a family history of breast cancer with remission after removal with no further treatment needed such as chemotherapy. Prior to the turn her doctor advised a preventative double mastecomy.”

She paused for a moment before taking a deep breath to calm her nerves before picking up the conversation again. “Carol now presents with a complex cyst made of both fluid and solid components in her right breast. She discovered it two days ago and came to me for advise. I went through what pre-turn options she would have had and what options we have now. She wants a preventative double mastectomy.”

The visitors all looked at Denise with fear in their eyes. There were some shuffeling of feet and wiping of tears before Michonne spoke.

“Is giving her that possible?”

“I believe it is yes. We have done numerous field amputations, and we can either find or MacGyver up some needed supplies to help. If anything, we can ask Eugene to help construct anything we can't find.”

“Just tell us where to go and what to get, and we will do it. Anything for Carol.” said Glenn.

“We need to find a respirator and it's tubing. A hand squeeze one is fine. We need to find anything that will assist with would drainage and care. Any type of surgical tools as we don't have a great variety here. Anesthesia is probably not going to be able to happen, but see what you can find. We need any antibiotics – both pills and creams. Gauze. Sutures. I need to make things as sterile as possible, so any draping, plastic sheeting, bleach or other cleansers are vital.”

Dr. Harlan Carlson and his brother had been talking quietly amongst themselves. Harlan then spoke up. “Emmett says there are actually quite a bit of surgical materials that were left behind at Sanctuary. Do you think Dwight will work with us on getting them? I know he's in charge and things are peaceful now, but giving up medical supplies to another community is a big deal. Do you think he will part with them?”

Rick spoke up then. “I will go talk to him personally about it. If nothing else, I will remind him of his vow to make things up to Daryl from before. I will head out after we all talk here and talk to him as soon as possible.”

“So, with something that is going to cost a lot of resources, I wanted to call you all here to make sure we are all on board with this. Anybody opposed to using any resources available to help Carol?”

Nobody spoke against it. 

“Fine. That's great news. I think with the three doctors we have, plus Rosita's medic training and Bertie learning some medical knowledge from Harlan that we should be able to put our heads together and come up with a viable solution. The medical staff I just mentioned, we will do everything we can for Carol. The rest of you? Your number one priority is to assist wherever possible as well as help Carol as well as Daryl get through their fears of the process we will be undertaking.”

Carol and Daryl walked into the room at that time. Carol looked sad and pessimistic that they would be able to pull this off. Daryl was right beside her, holding her hand and giving her strength.

“What's up Doc?” Daryl asked Denise.

“It's a go.” she answered.

Carol looked up with tears in her eyes. She felt guilty about all the resources that would be used solely on her. “Are we sure we can spare the medical supplies.”

Michonne stepped up to Carol and looked her in the eyes. “We are doing this. You will use anything you need to, and you are not allowed to feel guilty about it. We will do anything and everything to make sure you get what you need.”

Carol nodded, tears running down her face. This was real. This was going to happen. She was scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - plans are made and a secret is kept


	4. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so much fun to write. In my head cannon, Daryl talks more - especially when it comes to what is happening now. Also in my head, Rick and Daryl still have a bond that is strong. Eugene is a hoot to write. I hear his voice when I read what I write. Enjoy some unexpected planning and levity amongst man tears.

Rick walked back through the gates of Alexandria flanked by both Michonne and Eugene. Michonne and Eugene were wearing the typical spray of walker blood found whenever going outside the gates. Rick however, was a sight to see. Red and black both were mottling his entire body – spray factor of both the living and the dead. Glenn was there to see them in, and did a double take when he saw Rick's appearance. Michonne saw the look and just shook her head in a gentle warning to Glenn not to say anything. 

Eugene left in the direction the clinic mumbling about talking to Denise about scar tissue depth, width and post surgical calcification. 

Rick just stood there.

“Supplies?” Glenn asked.

“Dwight had most of what we wanted, and personally offered to get his guys to help scavenge the rest. What about Carol and Daryl?” Michonne asked Glenn.

“Carol is sleeping. Denise had to knock her out she was so upset. I think everything just finally hit her. Daryl too, but he wouldn't admit it. He was with her, but then just took off for the woods after she was sleeping good.”

“Did you go after him?”

“I tried. He got too far ahead of me, and walkers were filling in by the gate, so I came back.”

Michonne nodded. She went to go towards the clinic to join Eugene and Denise in their discussion. She planned that afterwards she would go to the house to check on Carol, figuring Daryl would be back when he worked things out in his head. 

Rick however, turned around, and opened the gate. He was gone before anybody could think to offer an argument. Michonne just hoped that he explained his reason for a tussle with a savior and it's results gently with the hunter. She didn't fancy taking care of a beat up Rick just because he said the wrong thing.

 

twdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwd

 

“So, could it work?” Michonne asked Denise and Eugene as soon as she entered the clinic.

“Given the successful appropriation, however violent, of needed medical equipment and assuming Carol survives the horrendously midevel yet necessary proceedures the doctors and patient deem necessary-”

“Eugene!” Michonne and Denise said together.

“It could work.”

“What about the “extra” treatment Dwight mentioned?”

“There was great succcess 'pre the world turning to shit.' Avoidance of calcification like changes as a result of pigment deposition in an axillary lymph node would be vital. Recognition of such changes would avoid further unnecessary invasive investigations and surgery.”

“Denise? Translation please?”

“It will work. Just need to watch the site afterwards.”

Eugene nodded and then offered one final thought. “I would like it to be known that my services will be pressed in devising such requested medical 'niceties' for the afore mentioned secondary treatment. However, I am in no way offering to inform Daryl or Carol of Dwight's offerings.”

Denise just shook her head at Eugene, but then paused and asked “So Michonne, who is gonna tell Daryl that Dwight offered to tattoo Carol's chest?”

 

twdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwd

 

Rick was no dummy. He knew what it felt like to lose the woman you loved. He knew Daryl had to be scared that losing Carol was even an option. He used his newly honed tracking skills, silently thanking Daryl for them when he came upon the man himself. He was sitting up above ground level on a rise of boulders. He had to be out of it, because he hadn't responded to Rick's approach. 

What Rick saw that afternoon, he would never in his life repeat to a living soul. Daryl Dixon was crying. He was more than crying. He was sitting on the rock face, tears rolling down, and shaking. It took Rick starting to scale the rocks for Daryl to come to life and whip his crossbow around. Seeing Rick, he dropped his bow on the ground and crumbled. He landed on his knees and shook as Rick approached. He didn't object when Rick dropped to the ground, and touched him tentatively. He didn't speak for a long while. When he did, it came out in fits and starts.

“Told her it was ok. Told her I loved her. She even laughed. Said it was a good thing I was an ass man. How could she do that? Laugh at herself. She's the one losing something.”

Rick just sat and listened. Waiting for his brother who had always been a man of few words to add more to the tale of his angst. He never pegged Daryl to be a poetic type man, but he was speaking now in more words and with more feeling than Rick had ever heard from him.

“She started crying. Said she wouldn't have to worry bout no push up bras and shit now. Thought people would look at her funny with no tits. Told her I would beat anybody into the ground that said shit bout her. Didn't tell her . . . . “

“What didn't you tell her Daryl?”

“Couldn't tell her I thought bout it too. Don't make me love her less, but I thought bout it. Couldn't tell her I was a piece of shit man thinking bout her losing her boobs. So I just held her. Waited while Aaron went and got Denise. Had to drug her. She's sleeping now.”

Rick nodded, not sure what to say because he understood. He didn't think often of Carol's breasts anymore, but he had wondered what would happen after. Wondered so much that he was now sprayed with blood of an earstwhile Savior, courtesy of the beat down he gave him. Time to explain what happened to Daryl. He just hoped he didn't get punched for his efforts.

“I don't know what you are going through brother. Just know what it was like with Lori – and that it isn't gonna come to that with Carol. I do know though that you need to feel something too. I know you hate it, but getting it out like you are now is a good thing. I also know that we need to get our asses up now and get back to Alexandria. Need to fill you in along with the doc on what happened at Sanctuary.”

Daryl nodded, thankful Rick understood he couldn't be allowed to sit and cry any longer, but wasn't comfortable with changing gears himself. He was however unprepared for the change in subject Rick offered.

“So Daryl, I couldn't help but notice that you like tattoos.”

Daryls head whipped around in confusion at the abrupt levity of Rick's words following his own man tears.

“Think Carol ever thought of getting a tat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we learn what happened at Sanctuary. People draw straws to tell Daryl about Dwight's "offer".


	5. Dipped In Blood and Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fills the reader in on what happened at the Sanctuary. Some surprising insights about Dwight's motivations. Daryl is cautious of Carol's new ally.

Glenn had high tailed it to the clinic as soon as he was relieved at the gates. He needed to know what the hell was going on with his family. He and Maggie may be residing at Hilltop now, but that was just a place. His people, his family – wherever they were, that was where home was. He was worried about Rick. He had only seen the man with that look on his face twice. Once with Negan, and once after Lori when he had tracked him down in the tombs. The first time, the man had already had his ticket punched on the way to crazytown. With Negan it was scary, but never as scary as after Lori. He worried what the circumstances would do to the man's head.

 

That didn't even broach his concern about Daryl. Daryl had once told Glenn that there was nothing sadder in this world than a man who lost his family. Glenn knew that while they were all family to Daryl, that the archer would not survive without Carol. They had for years completed each other – since after Sophia in some ways. However they had ceased to be their own souls since they came together finally after the war. Now, their souls were intertwined. It was love like theirs that Glenn knew the term soulmates was created for.

 

He pushed into the clinic, taking stock of Michonne, Eugene and Denise talking about telling Daryl the news. His heart sank in fear.

 

“What news?” Glenn asked the trio. “Is it Carol? Did something happen to her? I thought she was sleeping.”

 

“She's still sleeping” Michonne assured. “It's Dwight.”

 

“Dwight . . . wait. I thought everything went ok on the run and he was on board.”

 

“He's on board. He's going to help in any way that he can, and in ways that none of us here can. That's what we need to figure out how to tell Daryl about.”

 

“Confused here. Somebody fill me in.”

 

Eugene stepped in then, his stacatto analysis of the days events making Glenn's eyebrows raise.

 

 

**wdwdwdwd**

 

 

“Why did you get your tattoos Daryl?”

 

Daryl raised his eyes to Rick's face, still wondering how the fuck they had went from talking about his and Carol's respective breakdowns to his tattoos. The look on Rick's face was serious though and Daryl knew that the man had a real reason for asking instead of just shooting the shit. So he answered, and didn't pull any punches. Only Carol knew the meaning behind his tattoos.

 

“Some were just stupid kid decisions. Don't remember getting the star on my hand or my grandpa's name on my chest – just woke up after a weekend binge with Merle with em both. I was 16. The snake on the leg? Same thing, sorta. Merle had been high on some hard stuff for a couple days. He was really flyin'. Being all introspective and shit. He said some shit about the old man bein' still alive even though he had been dead bout a year. Said the man was alive in us, and that he was the root of all evil. Went into some biblical nonsense after that. Discussing Adam, Eve, sin and evil. But it's the snake thing that got to me. Never wanted to be like the old man, so got the tat to remind me that the evil he had in him would always be around me like a snake in the grass. The demons? Well, I think ya know the meaning of those ones. Old man left me with lots of them. Couldn't fight the demons in real life, so I inked 'em. The one on my back? It's just there. He put a lot of scars on me and Merle both, but there was one small line that ran across my back from the first time he really laid into me. Probly the lightest of all the ones I had, but I saw it the most. Tat covered it.” Daryl didn't think he had ever spoken so many words at once to anybody but Carol until today. Today he had seen something in Rick that made it ok to talk to him. Even demanded it from him all in the name of Carol's situation.

 

Rick nodded, looking away a minute. He took a breath and dove right in to what he had to say to the man, and hoped he wouldn't get punched as a result of being a messanger.

 

“Dwight offered some special assistance for Carol.”

 

Daryl didn't miss the hesitation of Rick's voice at the word “assistance”. He waited, knowing he was about to hear some shit he probably didn't want to hear.

 

“Dwight was a tattoo artist before the turn. Had his own shop. Turns out he did a couple of chest tats for women in Carol's situation. Women who lost their breasts.”

 

Daryl's breath hitched. He didn't know if it was due to the weight of Rick's implications, or if it was the use of Dwight's name and Carol's in the same breath.

 

Rick watched Daryl's face – seeing the warring emotions come across. Anger at the mention of Dwight. Suspicion. Lord knows Dwight had fucked Daryl over enough times while he was with Negan. Then cautious intrigue at learning of Dwight's former work. It was then that Rick knew he just had to get the story out quick before Daryl's emotions changed again.

 

“Dwight had an older sister. Died about 5 years before the turn. Breast cancer at 26. He started going to support groups for family members of cancer victims and learned a lot about the self image issues women can have post surgery. He didn't have any other way to help in his sister's name, so he started doing chest mural tattoos to cover up surgical fields after breast removal. He had already told us about his sister, and was talking just about the artistry of it – how it helped the women feel beautiful or sexy, or whatever they needed to feel. One of his asshole flunkys came in then and only heard part of the conversation. Started shooting his fool mouth off about how a woman couldn't be a real woman without boobs. Dwight punched him right in front of me for that. I joined in when he started defending himself that no man should be tied to a woman after that. We beat the shit out of him, but I had to keep Dwight from killing him. He just went off.”

 

“Is that why ya look like ya dipped yourself in blood? Defending Carol's honor from some piece of shit Savior with Dwight by your side? Fuck Rick, how can you trust his word? How do you know it wasn't all bullshit to gain sympathy for himself? I don't trust that fucker after what he did.”

 

“Then trust me Daryl. I saw his face when he told me about his sister. I saw him beat a man to within an inch of his life today for what he said. Dwight is a lot of things, but about this? This is genuine.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, everybody meets up at the clinic and prepares to talk to Carol.


	6. Carol's Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Rick come back from outside the walls. Upon hearing of Dwight's abilities, Carol starts making plans.

When Daryl and Rick came back through the gates, they headed straight for the clinic. When they walked in, they just stood off to the side of the door, listening to the argument going on in front of them without making themselves known.

 

“I will be MacGyvering tools for this little venture. I will not tell Daryl or Carol.” said Eugene.

 

“Not it!” said Glenn. “I'm a dude. Daryl would punch me. He would never hit a lady. Needs to be one of you women.”

 

“So what, it's Denise and I left to draw straws? Fine.” Grabbing two straws from the kitchen, she cut one down. “Short straw has to tell Daryl, Denise. Choose wisely.”

 

Denise was just about to grab a straw when Daryl's chuckling got their attention.

 

“No need to do that Chonne. Rick told me what Dwight said.”

 

“Where are you hurt Rick? I can treat your wounds” offered Denise.

 

“No wounds to treat Denise. I told him. He listened. He will tell Carol himself. You might want to keep some ice packs around in case she kicks him in the balls.”

 

“She's not gonna kick me in the nuts guys, jeeze. Relax. I'mma gonna go wake her up and tell her. Just do me a favor. All of you come on up to the room in about half an hour. If things so shitty, she will needs lots of love from us all. Get Tara and Rosita to come too.”

 

With that, Daryl took his leave and went to wake up his woman to tell her about Dwight's offer.

 

 

**twdtwdtwd**

 

 

Daryl watched from the doorway a moment. He could tell by her scrunchy nose that Carol was getting ready to wake up soon. He didn't waste another moment. He crawled in behind her and held her close. He then proceeded to kiss down her neck to wake her the rest of the way. He didn't know what to do with his hands though. His hands wanted to be all over her boobs, but didn't think it right somehow.

 

“Hi Pookie” she whispered.

 

“Hey sweetheart. Feeling any better?”

 

“Maybe a bit. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I'm happy I will be rid of the breast danger. Sad that I will be as flat chested as a boy – nothing pretty about that on a woman unless it's in some designer clothes. Worried that I will be using too many medical supplies. Scared something will go wrong. It's all at once Daryl, so not really sure how I feel.”

 

“Well, I got some news that might help. I hope so anyways.”

 

“Did Dwight . . .”

 

“He's gonna help. Had most of the stuff we need for your surgery right there. Made a promise to Rick to scavenge the remaining equipment personally.”

 

“Well, that's generous. What's his hidden agenda this time?”

 

“That's the thing baby. There's not one.”

 

She looked up at him with her eyebrow cocked in disbelief. So he told her. He told her everything Rick had told him about his sister, his business, and the mural tats he did. As he told her Dwight's motivations, his woman's eyes got teary. She at times looked excited, and at times looked like she was a million miles away. After he was done filling her in, he sat in silence – waiting for her to speak.

 

“I know your tattoos have meaning for you Daryl. You told me about all of them. I understand how Dwight's talent would be put to good use for women. But honestly, can you picture me with a tattoo?”

 

“I sure can woman. We can do whatever you want. You wanna feel like a badass survivor? We can do that. Wanna feel sexy? We can do that too. Wanna feel beautiful? Well, ya already are more beautiful than any woman these days has a right to be. But we can make ya even more beautiful. Whatever you want baby – it's your call.”

 

Just then, Denise, Eugene, Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Tara and Rosita appeared as requested.

 

“Hey Carol! I just thought of something. You can look badass biker chick if ya wanna match Daryl!” Tara quipped.

 

“You could do any design you want” Rosita assured.

 

“Make any statement you feel the need to” continued Maggie.

 

Michone, Rick, Glenn, Eugene and Denise just waited to see what she would say.

 

“I think . . . I think I need to see Dwight. I don't want to go to Sanctuary. Glenn, Rick? Will you go get Dwight and ask him to spend a couple days with me here in Alexandria? I think we need to talk. I have an idea I need to run past him.”

 

“You want Dwight . . . . “ Daryl began.

 

“He will stay here. In our house. He can stay in the guest room. I'm not afraid of him pookie, but I know you will want to keep an eye on him.”

 

“If'n that's what ya want woman. Anything for ya.”

 

“Glenn, Rick. Please have him bring all the medical equipment he has at sanctuary already. As well as any art supplies he has – paper and pens, pencils. We have a lot of work to plan. Denise? Are you still thinking that the surgery can be three days from now?”

 

“As long as Eugene can get together anything we need that the Saviors can't find, yes.”

 

“Have Dwight send his Saviors out for the remainder of supplies today. They can bring them here after their run, and take Dwight back with them. In the meantime, I have ideas on jobs for a few of you.”

 

“Damn baby, your goin' all boss lady here. I'm assuming you are going to take Dwight up on his offer?”

 

“Yep, now take Rick, Glenn, and Eugene outta here. Go find something manly to do or something. Us ladies have some planning to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carol and Daryl's houseguest arrives


	7. Art and Booze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised the arrival of Dwight - but I am putting that off until next chapter in favor of some drunken levity from the ladies. Enjoy!

Once the guys were gone, it left Denise, Michonne, Rosita, Tara, and Maggie alone with Carol. They all looked at Carol to see what she would tell them to do for these “jobs” she had in mind.

 

“Denise, do you know approximately where the scars are going to be upon the removals?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Great. Now I need you to go find a black marker. Has to be black. If we don't have marker, improvise please. Go!”

 

Denise left, but was practiacally wearing question marks above her head.

 

“OK, the rest of you except Maggie. You get to find supplies to let us all play “boobie makeover”. Please go find any pens you can as well as paper. Color doesn't matter. Just don't steal any markers from Denise. Go!”

 

When it was just Maggie and her left, Carol paused then gave her a huge hug. “You have been with me the longest out of the women. You will understand what I am doing best. I also need your help to do it. It's gonna be sad and kinda awful, but I could only do this with you or Daryl, and I want Daryl to be surprised. OK, ready for the sad and awful part? Because when the rest of the girls come back, I promise it will be fun.”

 

Maggie was tearing up already, thinking about what lay ahead for Carol. She nodded.

 

“I need you and I to put a list together of those we have lost. Those who were family for us. Then we need to do some brainstorming.”

 

**twdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwd**

 

By the time the rest of the ladies were back, Maggie and Carol had finished. They had dried their tears and sent for Eugene to bring back any liquor he could find left over from their trade with the Saviors post Negan. He came back with a bottle of white wine, a bottle of red wine, come peach schnaaps and some tequila. That was when Carol announced time for sadness was now done for today and the fun would now begin.

 

“Remember those events before the turn where you went and painted some still life and had wine? Well consider this the post apocolyptic version.” She stripped off her shirt and bra and told everybody to take a drink.

 

“Denise, first I need you to draw with the black marker where the scars are going to be. Then Maggie, I need you to put boxes like we talked about above the scar marks. Now the big bubble around it like we talked about.”

 

To the other ladies she explained. “The bubble and box area are off limits for playing today. I want your ideas, but I also have some idea of what I want. What I want is something that is not all about me. I want something that shows where we've been, what we've lost, and how strong we are now. Your mission tonight ladies is to drink lots of alcohol, and draw out some ideas on me. If you are not comfortable drawing on the ladies, draw on my back. Dwight will see all ideas before I wash them off so Daryl doesn't see.

 

**twdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwd**

 

The night went by with lots of laughter and alcohol. By the time Daryl came back to the house, Carol was sufficiently covered up in a long sleeve shirt. She was also in a tequila inspired slumber on their couch. Maggie was with her still though, quietly cleaning up from the night's apparent festivities.

 

“Maggie, why does my woman look like she lost a drinking contest to a trucker?”

 

“Cuz she lost a shot drinking contest to Tara.” Maggie laughed. “She had fun Daryl. She needed it. Tonight was important to her.”

 

“Well, I hope y'all had fun. Time to get m'girl to bed though.”

 

“Wait! Daryl, she made me promise to give you something before I left.” She put her hand in her back pocket and produced a piece of paper. “She said to read it before you touched her at all.”

 

His eyes in his eyebrows, Daryl nontheless nodded his assent and sent Maggie on her way. When she was gone, he unfolded the piece of paper and read what Carol wrote.

 

_Daryl,_

 

_I am trying everything I can to not break down here. I am scared. I know what I need from Dwight now, and I really need to keep it a secret from you for now, so no taking off my shirt tonight buddy! I will explain all tomorrow, I promise. In the meantime, I promise I would not be adverse to some over the clothes action from you. They will be gone soon, but we won't be. I love you._

 

_Carol_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - Some early lovin' for our favorite couple followed by Dwight's arrival.


	8. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have read other stories of mine, you know that I like to occassionally slip in a dialogue free chapter. They always seem to be fan pleasers. I wanted to do so with this, and for the most part, I succeeded. I however could not resist adding one ending piece of dialogue (2 sentences) which I feel really gives the chapter a great ending punch. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter takes place the morning after the girls night where the ladies drew on Carol. Off page, Daryl and Rick returned with Dwight.

The sun was barely peeking through the gap in the blinds when Carol woke. She took a quick inventory of her surroundings. Bed. She was in her and Daryl's bed. She didn't remember coming up there, which means he had carted her up from the couch last night. Last night! She quickly patted her chest, relieved that her shirt was still on. He hadn't peeked. Relaxing, she chuckled when she felt Daryl's arm snake around her, pulling her closer to him. She ground her ass back against him, groaning when she felt that even though he was asleep, he was already hard.

 

Smiling to herself at what she wrote in the letter last night, she grabbed his hand and put it over her breast and squeezed it down. He may not be able to get a peek at the artwork under her shirt, but that didn't mean that she had to write off lazy morning sex. She carefully reached behind herself and undid her bra. He was waking up now. No time to waste. She quickly sat up and rid herself of the restriction, then reached over to his sleep pants. She undid the tie and reached inside, finding her prize.

 

Daryl groaned, and fully woke up at that point. Carol had her hand around his dick and was stroking firmly, but slowly. He fought an inner urge to just lay there and take everything she gave, but he wanted more of her than that. He sat up in the bed and grabbed her under the arms. He pulled her so she was sitting on his lap in a straddle position, and kissed her deeply. The groan she responded with only made him want more. He pushed her back so she was laying down in front of him. He pushed her legs so they lay on either side of him, flat on the bed and went to unzip her pants.

 

Carol thought to herself that while lazy morning sex may have just went right out the window, something better and fiercer was about to replace it. That thought was confirmed when Daryl unceremoniously peeled her pants down over her lifted ass, and down her legs. She felt strangely off kilter leaving her shirt on, but he made sure that was just a fleeting thought when he shoved his hand down her panties. Soon enough, she was panting as his fingers found her clit and showed it no mercy. She looked up and saw the hunger in his eyes and bit her lip in an effort to keep herself moderately quiet.

 

The moment he saw her bite her lip, his eyes got darker and he grabbed her underwear with both hands and yanked it down and off her body. Both of his hands now assaulted her sex – the left returning to her clit while he sunk two fingers into her slickness down to the hilt. She gasped at the suddenness and he looked up at her smirking. She smiled back, and bucked her hips a bit angling his fingers a tad more. He knew he was in the perfect spot when her breath started hitching, and decided to be a little evil.

 

He suddenly pulled out of her and also abandoned her clit. He looked at her, and saw the frustration in her eyes. He knew she was about to bitch him out for stopping, so he without hesitation made his move and dove his face into her sex. His tongue replaced what his fingers were doing, lapping in and out and around her clit mercilessly. His tongue, lips, and scruff were becoming coated with her as he worked her. He wanted to make sure she was not able to be quiet, so he ramped it up even more, adding back the two fingers and pistoning into her with all the speed he could muster. He could feel it. She was right there. Without warning, he added a third finger, and barely two strokes later she was falling apart, screaming like a banshee. He didn't let up though until she came a second time, and was still reluctant to cease his ministrations until he felt her hands pushing back on his head indicating she was too sensitive to go a third time like that.

 

He leapt up, grabbed a condom from the night table and sheathed his length. He moved her to her favorite position on her side, and entered her from behind. He groaned at the feeling of her still fluttering around him. He was afraid of letting go too fast from that wonderful feeling around him, so he slowed down. He quickly realized she was having none of that. She reached behind her and grabbed his hair, tightly fisting it until he got the message that he better not stop. So he didn't. He gave her what she wanted, but evidently not fast enough as that grip kept getting tighter and she was ramming her hips back onto him faster. He picked up the speed and gave it everything he had for his woman.

 

Carol let out a huge moan. Daryl had finally met the pace she was trying to set, and she had never felt more alive. She let out another moan as Daryl changed the angle slightly, and all of a sudden the fire in her belly let loose again and she covered her mouth with the pillow so she wouldn't scream again. But Daryl was having none of that, and threw the pillow to the floor. He apparently wanted to hear her, so she gave him what he wanted as her entire body let loose with the strongest orgasm she had ever felt in her life. Sex with Daryl had always been earth shattering, but this was a new high. Right as her body was coming down and starting it's ending flutters, Daryl finished behind her with a roar of his own. Apparently things were just that good for him too.

 

Daryl gathered her in his arms after ditching the condom. He pulled her to him and put his hand back on her breast. It occurred to him as they drifted off together that this was the position that started their whole morning.

 

 

**twdtwdtwdtwdtwd**

 

 

Dwight woke up on the clinic bed he had crashed in after a late night talk with Denise and Eugene. They had everything mapped out as far as surgical supplies. The Saviors after Negan were loyal to Dwight. They appreciated the non-violent atmosphere he was trying to create. Once the few members who had been loyal to Negan and his violent teachings had been eliminated, the entire community functioned better.

 

The caste system no longer existed. Food and supplies were divided equally, regardless of rank, position, or seniority. Marriages of willing partners was occurring and babies were to be born to a few new couples within a matter of months. That is why the Saviors had more medical equipment now than they did with Negan. Dwight prided himself on his people and on the fact that they were looking out for the community medically. All they needed was a doctor, but he understood why neither of the Drs Carson had been willing to come back to Sanctuary. He knew Denise wouldn't either. He was a patient man though, and recruiting a doctor was a high priority for the teams whenever they went outside the community.

 

He brushed the thoughts of his own community aside, and sat up on the bed. He was surprised to be met with the face of Maggie Rhee staring across at him. He honestly respected and admired her, but remembered with a pang of guilt why she didn't exactly respect and admire him. Remembered her from the late night circle when Abraham had been killed by Lucille and he stood by doing nothing. Remembered her from the war when he was to all appearances at least, still on the other side of things. Remembered her less than enthusiastic hand shake of peace when the war came to an end and he was designated as leader of Sanctuary. She was leader of Hilltop now, but their trade groups had dealt with Hilltop without him. He was more familiar with Kingdom and Alexandria himself.

 

He sat up straighter and wondered what she wanted. He knew from Rick and Daryl's conversation with him on the way back to Alexandria very late last night that Maggie was Carol's rock right now. She was with Carol last night when they arrived back and Daryl went home while he opted to stay at the clinic talking with Eugene and a tipsy Denise about Carol's surgery in two days and his work that would be done on Carol's tattoo in six weeks. He had needed to know more about the scar sites so he would know what he would be dealing with and how to work it into any artwork Carol would want done. He had been informed by Denise last night that Carol knew what she wanted done to some extent, and that she wanted it kept as a surprise for Daryl. He took comfort in the knowledge shared with him that Carol and Daryl were totally on board with this. However, Denise had warned him of one thing; that Daryl did not know yet that Carol planned on showing him drawings made on her by her friends. That she would be topless for that part. He didn't know who was going to tell Daryl, but he hoped like hell he wasn't around for that conversation. He wondered if his thoughts had broadcast clearly across his face because it was then that Maggie chose to speak.

 

“Let's get you over to see Carol and Daryl. The three of us have to tell Daryl that you will be seeing Carol topless.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we see what happens when Carol and Daryl meet up with Dwight and Maggie. Hands up if you think that Daryl will take the news that Dwight will be seeing Carol topless well!


	9. Delivering the News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately after Dwight wakes up in the clinic to find Maggie in the room with him. Maggie is taking Dwight to see Carol and Daryl and deliver the news.

Dwight nervously followed Maggie out of the clinic and down the streets of Alexandria. He seriously considered the possibility that he was about to be beaten to shit for what he was about to lay at Daryl's feet. He knew a little about Alexandria's “power couple” from scattered conversations since the end of the war. He knew that they had loved each other for a long time, but that them being a couple didn't happen until after the war. He knew that he had almost been part of taking the possibility of them being together away forever. He knew they held grudges and doubts towards and about him. He didn't blame them at all. The more he thought, the slower his feet moved. Finally, Maggie turned around to see him a few feet back, completely stopped in the street.

“Come on now. Carol and Daryl are waiting.”

“I'm not so sure about this.”

“Of course you're not” Maggie said with an eye roll. She looked at him with a mixture of disdain and something else he could not quite identify. She waited him out, but when it was apparent he was no longer walking, she walked back to him and glared at him straight in the eye. “You said you want to make things up to Daryl by helping Carol.”

“I do. But I don't want to be killed before I can do it because Carol wants to show me some drawings topless!”

“He won't kill you. I promise. You might get punched, not gonna lie there. But let me and Carol handle him. We are already planning on breaking the news to him. You are just there to get a quick glance at the scar placement lines, get an idea of the placement of everything Carol wants. Most of the actual drawing ideas are copied onto paper.”

“He's not gonna be happy. I actually like Daryl, and I thought we did ok when he came and got me. We actually got along. I don't want to piss him off now!”

“Tough. You want to atone for the evil you have done, helping out Carol is a big part of that. Daryl getting pissed is just a detour on the way. Deal with it.”

With her less than motivational pep talk over, she grabbed his arm and marched him down the street and up to the small bungalow that Daryl and Carol occupied. He had with him a backpack with his art supplies for sketches as well has his clothing for a two night stay at Alexandria. He was going to stay until after the surgery in case modifications had to be made in the incision sites, necessitating a change of plans. Maggie had assured him that this was Carol's wish. He would talk to Denise following the surgery, and if necessary, see the sites himself post surgery. Even though it was what Carol wanted, Dwight knew that even Carol and Maggie would not be able to ebb the wrath of Daryl when it came to Carol. He understood that. He had felt the same about Sherry.

They had found Sherry right after peace was declared. Found what was left of her anyways. He still grieved for her, still saw her walker in his nightmares. He had Daryl to thank for closure with Sherry as well. He had been the one to find her on one of his hunts. He had put her down, showing her mercy in Dwight's absence. He still remembered the day Daryl showed up at Sanctuary to deliver the news. He had secured her remains in the back of an old pickup and brought her back to be buried at Sanctuary. In the end though, Dwight had not been able to bury her there, knowing she had hated the place. She had fled there after all. Instead, Dwight had taken the pickup and Sherry away and buried her in the yard of their old home. When he had tried to thank Daryl for the kindness, Daryl had just brushed him off with a quick word about how any decent man would have done the same for another. Dwight had not allowed himself the luxury of thinking Daryl was truly believing that Dwight was a decent man. He knew he had done good since the war. He was changing things for the better. He thought he might finally be deserving of that compliment now. But today? Today would either damn him in Daryl's eyes or bring him further into the fold as a trusted ally.

He sighed, and started moving faster under his own power the last few seconds of their walk. Maggie knocked on the door, and waited for Carol's holler to come on in. She turned the knob and walked in, waiting for Dwight to follow her before closing the door.

Carol greeted Maggie with a hug and Dwight with a hesitant smile. Carol wanted Dwight's help, and at this point would do anything to get it. However she was still not 100% on board with the man himself. She hadn't had the chance or quite frankly the courage to address this issue with Daryl privately. She needed Maggie's calm rationality in this instance to balance out the not so irrational rage that she knew Daryl would immediately go to at the news.

Maggie had known that Carol would need her to help break the news, and had planned the situation as such that she was hoping the worst case scenario was Dwight getting yelled at, punched, and then they could move on. She nodded in understanding at Carol's worried glance at her. “He knows that Daryl hasn't been told yet. He's prepared to take one for the team.”

“Oh really?” Carol said slowly looking the man over.

“Don't get me wrong, it's not my first choice of outcomes here. Anything you can do to keep that from happening? I am begging you here” he said honestly.

He didn't get a chance to say anything more because Daryl chose that moment to emerge from the hallway, and he was surprised because the man was smiling at him. “Glad to see ya this morning Dwight. So, I really want to thank you again for being so willing to do this for Carol.”

Dwight didn't know what to say. He didn't want to receive Daryl's thanks so easily and then feel like he was breaking his trust the next moment.

Dwight's silence seemed to confuse Daryl a second, then he looked around warily. “Ok. I been around you two ladies enough to know when you are about to let the other shoe drop. Seems Dwight here knows it too. So out with it.

Carol began. She grabbed Daryl's hand and squeezed it. She brought it up to her body and held it close. “The thing is Daryl . . . . uh . . . you know how I told you I wanted to surprise you, and I wouldn't let you take off my shirt?” When he nodded, she continued. “Well, I told you I would explain everything today. But I wanted to wait for Maggie and Dwight to help me explain why hiding was so necessary for me. The thing is . . . . “ Here she seemed to run out of courage and stalled out.

Maggie was quick to step in for her. “The thing is Daryl, last night when we were all drinking? We were all drinking to give us the courage to help out Carol. She wanted ideas on her tattoo that took into account her wishes and the likely scar sites. So . . . . we drew on her with markers.”

Daryl just nodded his head, not really understanding the reluctance of the two, but knowing it didn't bode well for him.

“Well Pookie . . . um . . . the reason they drew on me was so Dwight could tell the placement of where everything will have to go and be.”

Daryl's eyes narrowed and darted between Carol and Dwight. Dwight couldn't stand it any longer. He thought he would rather be punched now then to continue this hell of a conversation any longer.

“What these two are trying to say is that I need to see the drawings on Carol. I need to see the scar site plans and the drawings on Carol.”

“So you are saying that you are gonna see Carol's chest?”

Dwight nodded. Carol nodded. Maggie nodded.

“Supposin' she's supposed to be naked for this?”

Dwight nodded. Carol hid her face behind her hands. Maggie just flinched knowing what was coming.

Daryl didn't hesitate. He just nodded in understanding, then punched Dwight just once. Hard. 

Dwight didn't remember hitting the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dwight carries on with his plans with Carol. But how does Daryl plan on handling that?


	10. No Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mish mash. It delves into Dwight's past experiences, and how he feels Daryl needs to address his issues with what is happening to Carol. We also get to witness Dwight drawing the tattoo sketch. URL at the end will take you to a picture of the tattoo Carol is getting. Thank you eternally to my very talented friend Charity Hopkins for drawing this for me. She is super talented at so many kids of art. I am blessed to know her and humbled that she would take the time to do me a favor for this story.

Dwight saw Daryl crouched beside him as he slowly came back around from the punch he had delivered. The man winced as he moved to pick himself up off the floor. To his surprise, Daryl reached out a hand to him to help him up, then handed him a gel ice pack for his face. He didn't seem angry anymore. He seemed desperate. Dwight understood why that was. He understood the reason for the punch. Why it had to happen. Daryl was scared. He couldn't control what was happening to Carol, so he had to make that one show of force to reinforce his ability to protect Carol, even though he couldn't in this case. He was now resigned to whatever hand the surgery dealt and it's aftermath. That meant that now hopefully they could get the work done that was needed. However, Daryl then said something that changed things.

 

“I gotta be in the room with ya and Carol Dwight. I know ya just wanna help, but it's gotta be this way man.”

 

Dwight looked Daryl straight in the eyes and calmly explained that Carol specifically wanted her post surgical tattoo to be a surprise for Daryl. He tried his best to explain how important it was for her to be beautiful for him post surgery. How women needed to feel some kind of control in how they looked after for their partners. How some partners would never embrace their woman again after surgery. How it was every woman's fear that their partner would not desire them any longer. That was why he was here. To do his best artwork for Carol to allow her the power to be beautiful for Daryl again.

 

“Maybe I can be in the room for just part of it. See what you have to of her body, stay for a few minutes as you start your sketches. I wont see anything detailed. The result will still be a surprise – just like she wants.”

 

Dwight considered this a moment. “If it were up to me, you would be in the room for the entire process. It will help you to work through any issues in your head this surgery is giving you. Don't tell me you don't have issues with it – everybody does on some level. It's natural. If you can get Carol on board with it, then I'm fine with it. It would definitely be good for you to see how the sketching process is done. So you know how serious this is. Anytime I worked with a woman did this before the turn, if they had a partner, I insisted that their partner was with them. I always believed it was an important part of the process for them. It was Carol's idea to do things alone, but maybe if I explained how I usually did business she would understand that you being there will help you through the process as well.”

 

Daryl nodded. “Lets go talk to Carol then.”

 

Dwight followed Daryl out to the front porch where Carol and Maggie had escaped to following the less than stellar reaction from Daryl. Daryl sat down next to the woman who would always have his heart and proceeded to speak from his.

 

“Ya know I love ya. Ya know I trust ya. I don't want secrets between us. Even you wanting to do a nice thing and surprise me? That ain't how it's gotta do sweetheart. I feel like I am on the sidelines here. Helpless to protect you. I am scared about what is going to happen tomorrow at the surgery. I am scared because there is nothing I can do about any of it. I gotta trust. I gotta trust a lot of people that will have your future in their hands. But first, ya gotta trust me when I say that I gotta be there with you and Dwight today. Dwight said something that made a lot of sense. He said that whenever he did this before the turn that the woman's partner was always with them. It helped them deal with their own shit goin' through their heads. This change affects both of us Carol. I will love you just as much after tomorrow. I will love you more each day until the day I die. Let me be part of this. Please?”

Carol looked at Daryl the entire time he was talking – which was pretty long for him. He was a man of few words, but he meant every word that came out of his mouth. He meant to be there for her no matter what. She just had to let him in. Knowing now how he felt, she knew she could not keep this step of the process away from him.

 

She looked at Maggie for confirmation – their eyes communicating. Maggie just smiled and nodded through a couple of tears. Carol knew then that Maggie agreed with what Daryl had to say and was moved by his sweet words.

 

“OK. So no surprise then. Let's just get this over with. I want Maggie to come in too though.”

 

Daryl was amenable to that, so they all went back inside.

 

**twdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwd**

 

Daryl was sitting off to the side and slightly behind Dwight as his hands flew across the drawing paper. He watched the sketch Carol had in mind come to life. Carol still sat topless in front of both of them, with Maggie at her side. Occasionally Dwight would make markings directly on Carol's skin to correlate with points in the sketch. Daryl was fascinated. Any fears he had of Dwight's abilities or motivations were gone within the first five minutes when he saw how professionally he handled working with Carol's skin. Then he was even more fascinate and humbled at the sketch that was coming to life under Dwight's steady hands.

 

The vaguely heart shaped outline was the base of the tattoo. Each side of the heart housed two of the places they called home – the farm, the prison. Meeting in the middle were Daryl's crossbow and Carol's knuckle buster knife. Surrounding the entire outline were vines of Cherokee Roses. Spread across petals and leaves were the names of their fallen family members. Merle. Beth. Abraham. Tyreese. T-Dog. Hershel. Lori. Lizzie. Andrea. Mika. Jacqui. Bob. Sasha. Dale. Noah. Across the bottom was the Alexandria entrance sign motto “Mercy for the lost, vengeance for the plunders.” But it was the bloom in the middle that moved Daryl to tears. A single Cherokee Rose emblazoned with the most important name – Sophia.

 

**twdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwdtwd**

 

It was getting late, and since Dwight was going to be staying with the Dixon's, Maggie went home. Carol cooked dinner while Daryl continued to watch Dwight add texture and details to the drawing. He couldn't look away as the man drew, shaded, lightened and blended. All the while Dwight was explaining that the tattoo would be done in gray scale. Some areas would appear to be black while others could look like light shadows. Finally he was done just as Carol was announcing that dinner was done.

 

The two men looked at her. Daryl smiled and nudged Dwight to show Carol the final drawing. He wanted to see her reaction. He knew she would love it. She saw it, and he knew. He knew that Dwight had done exactly what she had in mind.

 

With tears running down her face, Carol finally spoke. “It's perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Carol's tattoo sketch here:  
> https://ibb.co/gYYm8c
> 
> Next time – surgery day.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Carol’s surgery day. An unexpected complication may end any hope for a future for Daryl and Carol.

Daryl had never been more scared in his life.  He had survived a shitty, abusive childhood, and a blood drenched zombie apocalypse as an adult.  In that time, he had gone through more pain and heartache than he thought possible.  What had made his life worth living was Carol.  What made his life worth living was loving her and her loving him in return.  But right now, he thought he felt his life being ripped out through his heart.  And it all came in the form of a conversation with Denise.

 

**_Flashback to fifteen minutes ago_ **

 

Denise had acquiesced to him sitting with Carol while the anti-anxiety medication flowed through her.  She had warned him that it might cause Carol to fall asleep, and it had.  He didn’t mind though.  He just sat beside her head as she lay covered with surgical drapes on the hospital bed awaiting her surgery.  He was lightly stroking her hair when he saw Harlan and Emmett Carson come in from the back room – their faces painted with concern.  He saw the brothers beckon to Denise who went to join them.  Daryl couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Denise’s face had grown white.  She then nodded to the brothers and went over to where Daryl sat watching her with a sick feeling forming in his gut at her expression.

“Daryl, there is no easy way to say this.  Carol filled out all the medical forms that we asked of her.  She listed her blood type as O-.  We didn’t have the resources to test blood types here, so I was thankful that she knew it.  Harlan brought a typing kit with him, and unbeknownst to me he tested Carol’s blood from the draw we did this morning.”

He nodded his head, waiting for the bad news he knew was coming in some form.

She took a deep breath, stuffing down the anxiety that had begun firing at rapid pace.  “O- blood can be given to anybody needing blood transfusions.  However, they can only receive O- blood.  Most mastectomies before the turn didn’t require blood transfusions.  With things being how they are now, it is extremely likely she will need one or two units of blood.  We have two O- residents of Alexandria with exception of Carol – Jacob and Anna.  Usually O- is seen more frequently, but that is all we have.  We chose to draw blood from each of those people in preparation for the surgery because we knew they had a supply run.  They left yesterday.  Harlan just went to check on the blood supply, and the cooler must have gone down in the last day or two.  We are unable to have that blood for Carol since unrefrigerated blood can only be safely used if out for a maximum of four hours.”

“What yer sayin’ is that you have no blood to give her?  What if she needs it?”

“Harlan has more kits at the kingdom.  He only brought two with him.  We have a few choices.  We can proceed anyways with the surgery and hope she won’t need blood, but if she does complications or death could occur.”

“Not an option” he growled.  “What are the others?”

“Well, we could postpone the surgery indefinitely and try to find somebody from one of the four communities with O- blood.”

“Or?”

Rosita chose that moment to come in from where she had been listening off to the side as she prepped the surgical instruments.  “Or, we get every person with a walkie at each community to do a person by person search for a donor with the blood type.  If it doesn’t work, we can postpone, but Carol shouldn’t have to be put through the anxiety of waiting if we can help it.”

Daryl and Denise both nodded.  Rosita got on her walkie and started calling out to Rick and Glenn on theirs.  It was agreed Rosita would continue to call out to the other walkie channels used by Alexandria, while Rick and Glenn contacted the other communities.

“Denise, I don’t wanna chance Carol waking up and hearing ‘bout this if it ends up we find a donor.  Can you give her somethin’ a little stronger to make sure she sleeps a bit while we work this out?”

“Good idea Daryl.”  Denise prepped a syringe with meds and fed it into Carol’s line.  “Now we wait” she said.  “Do you want to wait here with Carol or go talk with Rick or Glenn?  They might be good for you to talk to if you are feeling as anxious as you look.”

“Ain’t goin’ nowhere.  I told Carol I would stay by her side until surgery.  That’s what I’m aimin’ to do.”

 

**_Present Time_ **

 

Daryl was feeling more and more sick the longer he waited.  The news from the Alexandrians was not promising.  The people at the other communities contacted by Rick or Glenn had either known they didn’t have the rare needed blood type or were not sure of their type.  With only one test kit to spare, they needed to be reasonably sure before doing widespread testing which would necessitate a delay in the surgery.  Daryl was not sure what he was going to say to Carol.

He brushed his hand through her hair and started to silently weep.  “I promised ya it would be ok woman.  I promised ya today would be the day.  I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

Daryl continued to stroke her hair.  Just then the door to the clinic flew open.  Dwight rushed in and grabbed Denise.  “I just heard.”  He shoved Denise down in a chair and sat down beside her rolling up his sleeve.  “I’m O-.  I donated for my sister who was the same type.  Take all ya need.”

Denise looked over at Daryl, whose face lit up.  He stood up and completely shocked Dwight by grabbing him around the shoulders and squeezing.  “Thanks man.  Ya don’t know how much this means to us.”

Dwight just nodded his head at Daryl in shock at the hunter’s exuberance.  Then he thought of what Daryl had said to him when he had found and put down Sherry.  He smiled up at Daryl and echoed the man’s past words.

“Any decent man would do the same for another.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up:  
> Surgery proceeds.


	12. Surgical Visits With The Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol’s surgery continues. Carol’s experiences in italics. Loved having some long lost TWD family here.  
> A/N: Thank you to a reader who noticed a slight plot hole in this chapter. The edits have been made to this chapter now. Thank you again.

Daryl watched as the two bags of blood Dwight had donated were walked next door to a resident’s refrigerator.  Since the cooler had went down at the clinic, they had wanted to have the blood readily available.  So, an older couple had been pressed into allowing the blood to take a place in their fridge.

 

Dwight was now sleeping off the affects of having two pints drawn in a short amount of time.  He had taken up residence on the same clinic bed he had slept in previously.  Daryl stayed with Carol as they injected the anesthetic into her line and placed an oxygen tube in her nose.  Denise had assured him earlier that if Carol ran into problems that they had a breathing tube and machine ready – courtesy of the Saviors.  After the medication knocked Carol completely out and the doctors were scrubbed up, Rosita led Daryl away to wait the surgery out in the clinic.  She knew better than to try to convince him to leave it’s walls while they operated on Carol.

 

So, Daryl was not privy to what was going on behind closed doors as Harlan made the first incision on Carol’s left breast.  He wasn’t aware when Emmett stepped in and made the incisions on the right breast.  He wasn’t aware when Denise took the cystic material and prepared them for later analysis.  All he knew is that the procedure would take hours.

 

**twdtwdtwdtwd**

 

_Carol knew she was dreaming when she heard the first laugh.  She was standing back in the grove.  She turned her head, and she saw Sophia standing there under a pecan tree counting off for hide and seek.  Lizzie and Mica were running around trying to find a good spot to hide.  All Carol could do was stare.  She wanted to yell to Sophia that Lizzie couldn’t be trusted, but found herself unable to speak due to the fear she was feeling._

_A booming voice from behind her shocked her further.  “You don’t gotta worry Carol.  These three been playing the same game over and over again since they found each other.  Sophia’s safe.”_

_She turned her head and found Tyreese standing behind her smiling._

_“But Lizzie . . . “_

_“Lizzie isn’t a danger here.”_

_“Here?”_

_“We are all dead Carol, and this sure ain’t hell, so I think you can figure that out.”_

_“Does that mean I’m dead?”_

_“Don’t think so.  The rest of us sense each other, but we sure as hell didn’t sense you.  Just turned a corner and there you are.  Must be just visitin’.”_

_“The surgery!  They put me under for surgery.  Am I just dreaming this?  A surgery-dream?”_

_“Don’t think so Carol Ann” a soft melodious voice came from the other side of her._

_“Hershel!”_

_“I have missed you little lady.  Gotta say though that your daughters here have been pretty entertaining these years.”_

_“They found each other?  You two found them?  How does that happen?”_

_“Not rightly sure.  I do know that the good book promised another life after our deaths.  Guess this is just the one the good Lord thought we needed.  Being together.”_

_Another more female voice popped up suddenly from Carol’s other side saying “Last one over here is a rotten egg!”_

_If dead people kept popping up and startling her, she wasn’t sure she would be long for this other world.  “Beth?”_

_“Oh, Carol.  I am so glad to see you!  But if my eyes are not deceiving me, there is somebody even more glad to see the likes of you.”  She gestured over to where Sophia had just gotten a glimpse of her mother._

_“Mama!”  Sophia came running and flung herself against Carol sobbing.  Carol couldn’t help but burst into tears herself when she realized she could feel her little girl.  Smell her hair even.  She felt and smelt just like Sophia always had.  There was no odor of death or walker to her.  She smelt just as sweet as always.  “Mama, I’ve missed you.”_

_“I’ve missed you too Sophia.  I see you have been playing with Lizzie and Mica.”_

_Sophia looked over to where the two girls were hesitantly looking at Carol.  Not sure if they were welcome sights or not._

_“Now mama, you know Lizzie didn’t know things were the way they were.  She was sick.  She’s better now here.  Mica is so sweet.  She’s both my best friend and sister now.  Would you ever believe that I would ever have two sisters!”  Sophia beckoned to the two girls, and they came running up to hug Carol._

 

**twdtwdtwdtwd**

 

Rosita hooked the second of the two units of blood onto the iv-bag hook.  She knew when Denise had joined in with the surgery that the three doctors were trying to wrap things up as quickly as possible.  However, an unexpected problem in the form of a bleeder on Carol’s right side had complicated matters and made the need for blood more dire.

 

Harlan spoke up then.  “Rosita!  Scrub out.  Go see if you can rapid-squeeze a third unit out of Dwight.  You might consider just hooking him right up in here – body to body tube.  We just might need it if Emmett, Denise and I can’t get this under control quickly.”

 

“But, can he safely give another unit?”

 

“He told me he would do anything.  While it’s not real safe, it may be necessary” Denise said in a clipped fashion.  “Also, see if Rick and Glenn had any luck calling Jacob and Anna back from the supply run.  I asked them to try to get in touch with them just in case.  Since they were the original donors, they have had a couple of days to recover while Dwight has not.  Rick related a story to me about himself giving multiple units when Carl was shot once.  I’ve never seen it done, but obviously the world going to shit has made it do-able in the past.”

 

**twdtwdtwdtwdtwd**

 

_“So, the best I can figure Carol is that since we were all connected either with each other or the group that we keep finding each other now.  I found Sophia first.  We were at my farm then.  One moment I was on my knees before the governor at the prison, and then the next I was rocking on my front porch swing on the farm.  Found your little girl playing tag with some butterflies around her grave.  We spent some time there – just the two of us.  Not sure why Annette and Shawn weren’t there.  Next thing I know we are here.  Just showed up under a pecan tree with Lizzie and Mica staring at us._

_“They were worried we wouldn’t like ‘em.  I told ‘em that if my mama loved ‘em then I loved ‘em too!” Sophia took over the story excitedly.  “We got real close after that.  They told me how you taught them to fight.  How strong you made them.”_

_“I should have done that for you Sophia.”  Carol hung her head in shame._

_“You would have.  Just didn’t have time to build up to it yet.  It’s ok mama.  Oh, by the way.  I never have seen daddy.  I don’t think he came the same place we are.”_

_“Thank God for that!”_

_“Bethie showed up next.  She don’t remember dying either.  Just standing in a hospital corridor, then poof!  She showed up in the kitchen of the house.  Started in on that pile of pecan’s you and Tyreese left behind when you left this place.”_

_“Then I showed up.  Last one here I guess since you are just visiting” Tyreese said._

_“But how am I visiting and not dead?  How does that happen?”_

_“I don’t rightly know Carol Ann.  But I do know that patients throughout time have had dreams involving their dearly departed loved ones while under anesthetic for surgery.  What are you having surgery for?”_

_“Double mastectomy.”_

_“In the apocalypse!!  You must have some pretty heavy duty medical staff to be doing that.”_

_“Three surgeons and a couple of nurses trained post world going to shit.”_

_Hershel nodded.  Tyreese burst in then with a change in subject.  “I need to know about Sasha.  Where is she?”_

_“Sasha died before the war.  I’m sorry Ty.”_

_“Wonder why she hasn’t found me?’_

_“Well, have any of the others found you?”_

_“Others?”_

_“Shane, Andrea, Noah, Abraham . . . . . Lori.”_

_Sophia heard.  “Ms. Lori died!”_

_Carol gathered her daughter to her and nodded.  “She saved Judith.  She made it so she could live.  You would be proud of her.  I bet she is watching over her right now from wherever she is.  Maybe with Shane.”_

_Just then, Carol felt as though she were slowly fading.  The others noticed._

_“Must be time to wake up now Carol Ann” Hershel said.  “Surgery must be done.”_

_Quickly, Carol gathered all those she loved to her and hugged them.  She quickly told them about Daryl and her being together.  Everybody was thrilled for them and told her so.  Especially Sophia who had promptly announced to all that “her new daddy, Daryl Dixon would make sure Carol wouldn’t come back to see them again any time soon.”_

_After saying her goodbyes to everybody, she had spent extra time with Sophia, holding and kissing her until she had wisped away – leaving the grove._

 

**twdtwdtwdtwd**

 

“Thanks Dwight.” Denise said as she helped the man back to his bed.  Carol hadn’t needed much more blood, so he was not as wiped out at they had anticipated him being.

 

Denise walked over to where Daryl was.  He was a bundle of nerves ever since Rosita had quickly briefed him on her way to fetch Dwight for more blood for Carol.  Now he anxiously waited for Denise to speak.

 

“We got it all.  Whatever “it” was.  We are going to look with microscopes and try to give our best guesses, but as you know, we may never know for sure if the cysts were cancerous.  Carol had a bleeder, which is why Dwight was pulled in.  Emmett and Harlan and I were able to triple team things and get it resolved.  The close was almost done when I came back.  The Carson’s are finishing up with that now – actually, they are probably already done by now.  When I go back there, Rosita and I will clean Carol up before bandaging her up.  We will bring her out here to start to bring her out of anesthetic sleep.  She will be in recovery here for several days.  We have narcotic pain meds up the wazoo available to her.  Guess Negan was quite a fan, and Dwight collected more for the women about to give birth if they need them.  We were gifted all of Negan’s personal stash.  There is more than enough to get Carol through post-operative pain.”

 

Seeing Daryl’s sudden tears, Denise felt it necessary to reassure him.  “The procedure went well Daryl.  Even if the cysts were cancerous, we removed the lymph tissue as well.  If it had spread, that is where it would have spread to.  Doctor’s never say this, but I think Carol will be just fine.”  She then turned and joined Rosita and the Carson’s for clean-up.  He waited anxiously for half an hour before Rosita came out.

 

“Time to get you gowned up Daryl.”

 

He didn’t say anything right away, so Rosita clarified.

 

“Remember?  The docs said you could sit with Carol afterwards in recovery as long as you had a gown, mask and gloves on?”

 

“I remember.”

 

“Then what’s with the silence Dixon.  Didn’t Denise tell you everything went ok?”

 

“She did.  Just thinkin’ how lucky we are right now.”

 

Rosita just nodded.  She came over with a gown and mask for Daryl.  “Put these on.  When she gets back here, then put on the gloves.  You can touch her face and hands, but be sure to avoid her hair or any other part of her body.  We can’t risk infection.”

 

Daryl nodded, and Rosita turned away.

 

“Rosita?  Please thank the docs for me.  I’m not so good with that kind of thing and right now I think if I tried I would pussy out and start cryin’ or some shit.”

 

“No problem Daryl.  Here comes Carol now.”

 

Daryl watched as they transferred his woman to the bed inside the curtained off area of the clinic.  He watched as Rosita administered pain meds through her IV.  He saw that her pale face stayed lax.  No expression in sleep.  He watched, and he waited.  About twenty minutes later he saw Carol start to wake up.  Slowly, but it was happening.  She was definitely out of it still when she opened her eyes an hour later.

 

He smiled down at her and answered the question in her eyes.  “Surgery went well.  They got everything.  They will look under the scopes at the cysts, but we might never know Carol.  But they got it all, and you are gonna be just fine now, ya’ hear?  Is the pain bad?”

 

She nodded, then gave a loopy smile.  “Saw some people while I was under.”

 

He looked at her weirdly before saying “oh, yeah?  You have a weird surgery dream?  Who did ya see baby?”

 

“Hershel, Tyreese, Lizzie, Mica, Beth . . . . and Sophia.”

 

His eyebrows hit his hairline at that piece of info.

 

“Everybody’s fine.  She approves you know.”

 

“Who approves what?”

 

“Sophia.  I told her about us.  She approves.  Even called you her new daddy.”

 

Daryl Dixon had never thought he wanted to be a daddy before the dead rose.  He was grateful he wasn’t one after because he didn’t have to see a child of his torn apart or risen from the dead.  That was until that day at the barn.  What he had never once told Carol is that at that moment he had wished he had been that girl’s daddy.  Been lucky enough to have that kind of love.  Even if it meant feeling the kind of pain Carol was going through.  Maybe he would have been able to protect her more.  That thought had been Daryl’s private hell all these years.  One he had suffered alone.

 

But Carol being Carol, she knew.  She put her hand over his and said “our daughter told the others that her new daddy would do everything to make sure I wouldn’t be back to visit them anytime soon.  She knew you would keep me safe.”  Carol drifted back to sleep then, leaving Daryl to wonder about her dream experiences and Sophia’s words of confidence in him.

 

“Always Sophia.  I will always keep her safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Up:  
> Carol’s recovery.


	13. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a mini chapter that goes solely into Daryl’s feelings post-surgery. The next chapter will probably be the last chapter. Enjoy!

Carol’s body healed as bodies do.  It was now three weeks post-surgery.  Daryl couldn’t help but marvel at how gracefully she handled the changes in her body.  She confidently went back to life as it was in Alexandria.  She did all the things she did before except fighting for now lest she pull any stitches or stretch the delicate newly forming skin.  As he watched her move throughout her day, he couldn’t help the repetitive thought going through his head.

 

**_They’re gone._ **

 

He watched as she played with the children, tickling Judith and lecturing Carl about rough housing with his little sister.  The two children recently added to the community were slowly learning how to play again.  How to be kids again.  Carol was right there with them while their parents were still in the clinic healing.  She had taken to wearing cute t-shirts with graphics, ones that showed off her femininity but were forgiving in the fact the fabric was not built to expect a full breast line.

 

**They’re gone.**

 

He watched her in the kitchen of Rick’s house, preparing a meal for their entire family to enjoy together.  The deer he had felled that morning had been butchered, and Carol was planning a large roast and all the trimmings they could find.  Carrots and potatoes were present thanks to the four community’s gardens.  Today was going to be a celebration of healing.  It was also time for some revelations from the medical staff.

 

Today was the day that Denise would be sharing the doctors’ conclusions on the makeup of the cysts.  He knew they would never know for certain if they were cancerous, and that the techniques that the doctors used for analysis of the tissue was definitely considered to be archaic even before the turn.  He just wanted to know.  He needed to know what was going on within his woman’s body.  He needed to know how many more good mornings, good nights, and I Love You’s would be allotted to them.

 

**_They’re gone._ **

 

He had loved her breasts.  As soon as he and Carol had gotten together, he had worshipped them.  Even before then if the truth were told.  He had worshipped Carol from afar for years and admired all her curves.  Those curves she had tried to hide under too big clothing in order to appease Ed at the quarry.  The curves that she first started to hesitantly show when she opted for clothes that fit to her body more at the farm.  The curves that he had in sleep wrapped himself around to provide warmth in the hard winter on the road.  The curves that she had decided were worth showing off in the hot summers of the prison.  The curves that he felt pressed against himself at their reunion at Terminus.  The curves that had tempted others to seek out her love.  The curves that she showed off to him the first time they made love.  The curves that made him weak in the knees whenever she bared herself to him.

 

**_They’re gone._ **

 

The curves that held ticking time bombs to take away his woman.  The ones that held nothing but heartache when her life would be ripped away.  The curves were the wonderful bow on the gag gift of breasts full of sickness.  He didn’t want them anymore.  He wanted her.  So, he had to take a deep breath, absorb up all the memories of her beautiful curves and thank God or whoever was up there that they had the ability to take those curves away when they learned that they could take nothing short of her life.

 

**_They’re gone.  Good riddance.  But he would always remember her beauty – both with and without them._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Final chapter in which Carol gets her tattoo


	14. Chapter 14 - Rebirth (the final chapter)

Loss – Chapter 14 – Rebirth (the final chapter)

 

They lay in bed simply enjoying each other. No expectations for sex, but feeling that connection that existed between them. Daryl had his arm around her chest, and he couldn’t help but be excited for Carol today. Carol was at peace with her mastectomies. What she was uncomfortable with was the scars the surgery left behind. They had talked several times over the last six weeks about how the tattoo Dwight made would be positioned and drawn in a way that it utilized the scar lines. It would make them had to discern with the naked eye.

Carol heard Dwight snoring like a chainsaw in their guest room and sighed. She was so impatient to get this done, and was having to stop herself from barging into his room and shaking him awake so that they could get on with it already.

Daryl picked up on her tension and immediately knew the cause. His wonderful wife was being a tad impatient this morning, but he was not going to lie and say he wasn’t as well. So, he removed his arm from Carol’s chest, rolled over to the edge of the bed, and donned a pair of sleep pants. He didn’t bother with the shirt since the house was still pretty dark. He went to Dwight’s room and knocked. The only answer he got was in the form of louder snoring. Finally, Daryl just opened the door and put a foot up on the mattress and kicked repeatedly.

Dwight sprung into action immediately but had to take a moment to get his bearings. He had stayed with the Dixons several times since the surgery, and the guest room was by no means unfamiliar to him, but he took the moment anyways.

“Carol’s waiting on ya man. She won’t admit it, but she is anxious as hell. I’m thinking we be needin’ to get this over with sooner than later.”

Dwight nodded over to his tattoo equipment in the corner. “I will set this up in the dining room because it has the best light. We can use the table as a bed since she will have to lay flat on her back. Maybe bring a mattress in to place on the table? That way she won’t be comfortable. Have her take a shower, and I will be set up out there by the time she is done. She should come out in comfortable pants and leave her upper half bare.”

Daryl just nodded, and was walking out the door when Dwight stopped him. “It’s none of my business man, but just so ya know, I can do back tattoos too. If you happen to know anybody who has scars they want to cover up.” He shut up then, not sure if he had crossed a line. Daryl paused and turned around and just nodded to Dwight.

“I will definitely keep that in mind Dwight. Thank ya.”

True to his word, by the time Carol had taken her shower, he was ready. Daryl had put their bed’s mattress on the dining table and had also brought in various pillows and blankets. These were not only for Carol’s comfort, but could assist in body placement according to Dwight. Carol did her best to be comfortable. She was worried not so much of the level of pain associated with a tattoo, but more the long time frame that would be filled with incessant buzzing as the needed worked itself into and out of her skin. 

“Ok Carol. Let’s begin.”

 

TWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWD

Everything came out perfectly. It was everything she had not dared hope for. It was more. Denise, Maggie, Rosita, Tara and Michonne had all stopped by and gave the results major thumbs up. And now, Daryl was in conference with Dwight on possibilities for turning his ravaged back into art. She sighed. They had both come so far since the beginning. She absently traced the center of the tattoo, fingering the petals of the Cherokee Rose there that bore her daughter’s name. That rose had given her so much over the last few years. It gave friendship and hope when Daryl first gave it to her. It bore sadness when one was placed on her empty grave at the prison. Now, true to the ending of the tale of the rose, she would just keep going forward despite their losses. Now her greatest loss, her Sophia, was right back where she belonged, pressed against her mother’s heart.

Link to Carol’s tattoo. Thank you again for my wonderful friend Charity Hopkins for drawing the artwork for me. Her talents have been blowing me away since we were little kids

https://ibb.co/gYYm8c


End file.
